To Janine: A Sad Story

Let's get creative with this one. I'll tell you what happened in the form of a short story.

So, it was Valentine's day, 2012. As usual, Justin was excited to make things happen. As he performed the usual routine of bringing his sister school, he bought three flowers for three special friends, Mon, Nica and RJ. He got the school, awaited all his classes to end and immediately retrieved the flowers and rushed to where special friend number one was.
As all of his friends would have expected, it was Nica. With her was RJ. Justin was ready to give the flowers, and so he did. Nica was waiting for him, and RJ was busy writing all the Valentine's letters she was about to give. As RJ was finishing that, Justin stepped out with Nica by his side. Justin was eager to ask Nica out on Friday, despite the work they were going to do.

So he asked her out. Thinking that their relationship was supposed to at least guarantee that she'd be at least willing to share whatever surprise Justin and his friends have planned.

"Please, I could kind of use the money," Nica said.

"But this is something special," Justin had replied. "It would mean so much to me if I could share this moment with you."

Nica replied, "please, I could use the money. Please please please please..."

Nica kept going on and on about it. And even after Justin's explanation, she wouldn't listen.

Eventually, it came to the point where it had just hurt more than the rejection. Nica stopped saying please, and said, "ditcher," instead. It had hurt Justin deeply, until all the hurt turned into anger.

"I'll be right back," Justin said as he got his last rose, and stormed out.

Justin met up with his dear friend, Mon near the Sec-B staircase, where he gave the rose to her, and asked her out for Friday instead. Mon was unsure and had informed Justin of her case.

After they had bid each other farewell, Justin was headed back to retrieve his stuff from where he once was. He got a text from Nica, asking him to buy bluebooks for her class. Already past the store, he went back to obtain the items needed.

He went back gave the books, grabbed his bag, and then left almost immediately. Justin went to other friends hanging around nearby. It was killing him how Nica wouldn't accept. It broke his heart.

Only days later, Justin was test-flying the sky lanterns they had bought for the surprise, and it pained him to watch the lanterns fly away with his buddy, Miguel. He won't show it, but he was already crying on the inside. When he and Miguel ran out of things to do, Justin got in his car and drove back home in tears. He couldn't really sleep and was unsettled for quite a number of days.

Finally, the day had come for the actual surprise. Justin was there alone, with his couple-buddies, Miguel, Alexa, Michaela and Joma. He was watching the lanterns fly away, disheartened that the unreachable lanterns, instead of being an offering of a great relationship to the heavens, symbolized the unreachable love he could never find with the girl he thought he loved so much.

The end.

PS. I hope you liked it. Actually, no, I don't... It's never nice to like a sad story, especially if it's a true story.

PPS. It's a very sad ending to something I thought would be great. I'm through with heartbreak, and it's really killing me deep inside to find people I can love, but would not return the love I give up so easily.

Being in-love is easy for me. It's not easy to get back up, but taking the fall for someone else comes naturally. I just want someone to take the fall for me, too. But no one's willing to... Right now, I really don't want to care about anyone except myself, but no matter how much I want that, it's not natural for me. Looks like 2012 is not at all better than 2011. It's turning out even worse, and life isn't a climb; it's a cliff, nowhere else to go but down. Sad, isn't it?

Feeling Needed

I don't know if I do have the right to get mad or anything, but this girl has been calling favors out from me. And yes, I do love her, so I try my best to do what she asks. If I can, then I will, if I can't, I'll try to help. It's been taking up a lot of time and sacrifice, but all of it's been killing me to the point that I feel like I'm just a need in her life.

Yes, I must admit that it feels good to feel needed at times, it makes me feel as if I'm important to someone, but it's nowhere near the feeling of being wanted and loved. And this girl makes me feel like I'm needed, but not in the good way. I feel like an expendable asset, and she needs me only to support her needs. That's not the way this should work. With certain groups, I feel needed and wanted. And I really want to feel loved. Not even by the gifts, or anything, I just want her to know that I'm there, and at least show me that she acknowledges me...... Here's to what I hope would be the last time she'll break my heart. Because of a stupid surprise that was planned for the girls, one thing that would have made me really happy to have experienced with her, then again... Now, after all the bullshit she's shown me... She's the last person I'd want to experience it with now.

Yes, that's her in the photo... During our "up" times. I know this will take time to get over, but... whatever happens should be for my happiness now. It's my turn to be selfish.