A couple of days ago, I was sitting on the couch in my friend's house while looking at a reflection of myself in one of their glass cabinets. It had been a tiring day and we had just come from the gym and then one game of basketball, as I got to thinking about my past and my future.
PAST
It had been a long twenty-one years that got me to where I am today. Life had gotten me a lot of high and low moments, that were all very memorable and insightful. What do I get out of it? Experience.
I was born on the ninth of March in the year 1991. I've heard stories of what happened during my birthday, the most memorable being the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo in the Philippines. The world had experienced global cooling during my arrival. Otherwise, memories from my childhood seem like such blurs to me as I don't know what to make out of them or where to pick them up. However, I've heard of certain stories that make me who I am. I won't get into those stories. Instead I will start from my current context.
In the year 1997, I remembered stepping into unfamiliar territory: Ateneo. I never knew what to expect. I was six years old at the time; it was so long ago, I don't even remember what I was thinking anymore. However, I knew that I did not want to leave my dad's side, ironically. It was the first day of class, and I didn't know how to feel, how to act, what to do, what to think. I was assigned class number twenty-five.
Fast forward to the year 2005. I was thirteen years old, wearing a barong. I had a pin on the collar, standing straight, singing the Ateneo Alma Mater. It was a very eventful, memorable, significant time in our lives. I had cried knowing that somehow, I was seeing the last of some of them (my grade school classmates and batchmates.)
2006. I was crying my heart out as my best friend, whom I had loved so much was preparing to leave. I was begging him to stay; but I knew I was helpless. I was at the mercy of his parents and mine. At first year high school, I did not have the capacity to offer him a place to stay. I was left alone, as when he left, our barkada drifted apart somehow. Kevin was put into another section, Ian Agustin was always studying (honors class.)
2007. I was only a junior in high school when she passed. This had been the first loss, and I had to be strong. My dad was in a rough time. Lola Mameng had passed away. She was my father's caretaker since when he was one year old; she had been mine, too. Growing up, I always loved her. She was selfless, sometimes, a little annoying the way she always hung around, but nonetheless, she was family. Reserved in our hearts, surely, she had a special place.
2009. Graduating high school, I was always the sentimental and emotional type. Having been through amazing experiences in three years with the K-Boys of '09, I was attached to a lot of them, and it was hard seeing them go. Probably a repeat of 2006, adding the experience of 2007, I had now known what it was like to lose people, and I was afraid of not seeing my high school barkada around so much anymore. People have been coming and going; it's sometimes a reality of life. However, it is also brought about by choice whether people stay in another's life.
2010. Again, one of my best friends had passed. No one had seen him since our high school graduation for he had moved to Singapore. Then, out of nowhere, a call came. It was all over Facebook: "RIP Kevin Stoifl." It was a hard goodbye. It was a lonely time, because I knew that we all couldn't be together physically anymore. Ian Velez comes home, once every few year, and when he does, I make it a point to see him. Ian Agustin is just over in UP. I haven't seen him in a while.
PRESENT
10.20.2012
A couple of days ago, I was sitting on the couch in my friend's house while looking at a reflection of myself in one of their glass cabinets. It had been a tiring day and we had just come from the gym and then one game of basketball, as I got to thinking about my past and my future.
I have but one semester left in my academic life (unless I take my masters in the future). I have until February to live and enjoy college for what it is; but right now, I feel lost.
There are people in my life that I don't know when I can count on. There are people in my life that I don't know when I can trust, or when I know I will be disappointed. I know for a fact that I have started to lose trust in some, but there are some that I will never.
For the sake of it all, let us hide them under the names my friend (M.B.) and I call them at this point.
Boy is the person that surprised me the most. He seemed like such a nice guy, and I didn't know that he was capable of pulling off what he did. While he sees the good in people, sometimes, you have to look past the good and see what's really happening.
Girl is the person I can now honestly say I hate. Nothing personal (though, ironically, hate is personal), but the moment I met her, my friends, though I've known long, though I just met and became friends with, have been getting hurt, lied to and lied about. One by one. I never had trust issues. I can trust certain people with my life. As of this moment, she's one I can't: she and her friends. Life has been a series of fucked-up since I met them all. I have deduced and decided that she is crazy, she's a bitch. I don't think I will trust her again.
However, there are some that are insanely sane. I choose to hang out with those guys. Those guys, I know I can trust, and won't hurt anyone that matters to me...
FUTURE
In twenty-five years... I don't know what I'll be doing...
