It's been more than four years already...
Who would have thought that a quiet little Alexa would be this much of a good friend to me? But I never really knew what to expect then... Time had its own way of working its own magic upon so many lives...
You had given me a blessing of being a friend. It's hard for me to express these things in words, but you know that I am grateful that I can tell you my stories, that I can run to you with problems, and you'd help me sort things out.
Thank you for being such a great friend.
You're twenty as of today, and so, I wish you a very happy birthday!
P.S. Hold on for just a little bit. Pretty soon, we'll be drinking old cheap bottles of wine... Sit, talking, up all night... Saying things we haven't for a while... :) We'll have you back here, soon. :)
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Through Joys and Tears
"Through joys and tears, through the laughing years, we sing our battle song."
Sixteen years ago...
It was June in the year 1997. He had taken one big step into what seemed a big black gate which was labelled "Prep Area." He never wanted to leave the side of his father who had accompanied a late student (and son) to his first class in Ateneo.
Lerma, Justin Nicolas A. P-7 (Mapagmahal). Class number 25. Ateneo de Manila Grade School.
He says he remembers crying, but he never knew what to feel, just that he was scared. He was scared of what might happen, and at the time, he was only thinking, in a six-year-old brain, that he was too shy to make friends, he wanted to stay home and play on his computer, or draw on pieces of bond paper on his father's office with pencils and crayons. And from the first day of school, he didn't really remember anything else.
Eight years later...
In March, 2005, he was standing with hundreds of other people on the blue-colored floor of the Blue Eagle Gym. With a blue handkerchief in his pocket and a pin on the collar of his shirt, he knew he was prepared. He had to sing, and though he never could, it was a moment he was willing to sing for, alongside the hundreds of others who were willing to sing along. Ateneo Grade School, Batch 50. It was a special graduation for the entire batch, and a milestone for Ateneo Grade School.
June, 2005, he was sick. Unsure if it was because of fright (again) or just really a virus. He remembers sitting in the front of the small Dulaang Sibol. He remembers a pounding in his head every time the bass drum was hit right in front of him. He remembers the conyo song: "shit. conyo. pare. wow. ang labo naman." He remembers getting picked up early, and not attending class for the rest of the week. He remembers the 1-I classroom on his first day, bringing just a notebook and a pen, having left the notebook in the classroom before leaving for home.
Four years later...
March, 2009. He was crying. He'd been hearing for four years that Ateneo High School was where you'd spend the best four years of your life. At the time, the statement was correct for him. He had been living for 18 years already, and without too much experience. Years 15-18 may have been the best at the time. He had to say goodbye to a family he's grown into. He has to say goodbye to a lot.
June, 2009. The official beginning of classes were delayed, but he was walking around campus, trying to see things for the first time, trying to understand where he needed to go, and where he needed to be. He was trying to give himself a tour of where his next home would be. He was meeting people who could be (or not. but she was.) special for the coming years in his life.
Four years later...
March 2013. He was scared of not being able to finish, failing to accomplish things he needed to do and making the cut. Eventually, he did, and the memories all suddenly came back, from that day in a garden where, as he remembers, a pair of brightly-colored Chuck Taylors hung a few inches off the ground. He remembers the beautiful smile of a girl who he sat across in Chemistry Lab. He remembers that one deciding day, where a pair of Chuck Taylors entered a second floor room in one of the buildings (Berchmans 209), and he knew then that, that pair of sneakers would haunt him for the next couple of years.
He remembers b**** professors that ended up being loved for bringing a whole bunch of people so much closer together. He remembers saying goodbye early to one his mentors. He remembers almost failing a course in his freshman year, but being saved by the final exam. He remembers missing a concert by a band he really loved, on his birthday, to take a make-up exam because he was applying for scholarship during the actual date. He remembers taking that class picture, with the camera resting on a stack of books and a laptop sleeve for the camera to be high enough to capture everyone.
He remembers running from the weights gym to class because there was no time to fix himself up. He remembers sitting beside his clique in most of his major classes. He remembers crying to a status message that broke his heart. He remembers filing for a change in concentration, going through all the processes of writing a letter and an interview. He remembers seeing the change in his student information and getting congratulated by friends as he stepped up closer. He remembers meeting someone special (again) and ending up in a disagreement with someone else, but special as well.
He remembers being part of a small in-school family that felt like home for a couple of weeks a year. He remembers the confession, and his first kiss. He remembers, not being able to take it any more seriously than he did because while he wanted her, he knew that she was something else. He remembers putting a lot of effort into a surprise that could have changed a lot, but instead, getting shot down (and this happened more than once). He remembers that sometimes, he would go out of his way to help someone or just see them smile. He remembers that professor that changed his life. He remembers the group mates he never trusted after an incident; he remembers the people that he always will.
He remembers a final year to make things right. He remembers that he was elected to an org office, without him knowing it. He remembers being part of another family that is around the whole year round. He remembers what it feels like to represent your Alma Mater. He remembers looking like a fool around school just because it's fun. He remembers reconnecting with friends, reconnecting with family. He remembers the nights when they'd just go out with a tank of gas, and some coin in a purse, just to eat, drink, chill. He remembers that the truth had gotten out, and that the truth was never fair. He remembers making promises that he knew for a fact he would keep. He remembers waiting around for one night to find out if a rose was worth it to give.
He remembers the lights, his last Song for Mary. He remembers camera flash, a blank, rolled-up piece of US Legal paper. He remembers hearing, "congratulations," and saying, "thank you, Father." He remembers taking a bow, walking back to his seat, starting to goff around with his seat mates and fooling around with a couple of friends. And just like that, everything that used to be in the present turned into memories. And all those memories will be immortalized in a blue tube and a piece of paper, where his name will be forever written. It will forever be immortalized in his heart and in his mind...
On March, 2013.
Lerma, Justin Nicolas Asuncion. Bachelor of Science in Management, Major in Communications Technology Management. ID No. 092099. John Gokongwei School of Management, Ateneo de Manila University.
"Down from the hill, down to the world go I... Remembering still, how the bright Blue Eagles fly."
Sixteen years ago...
It was June in the year 1997. He had taken one big step into what seemed a big black gate which was labelled "Prep Area." He never wanted to leave the side of his father who had accompanied a late student (and son) to his first class in Ateneo.
Lerma, Justin Nicolas A. P-7 (Mapagmahal). Class number 25. Ateneo de Manila Grade School.
He says he remembers crying, but he never knew what to feel, just that he was scared. He was scared of what might happen, and at the time, he was only thinking, in a six-year-old brain, that he was too shy to make friends, he wanted to stay home and play on his computer, or draw on pieces of bond paper on his father's office with pencils and crayons. And from the first day of school, he didn't really remember anything else.
Eight years later...
In March, 2005, he was standing with hundreds of other people on the blue-colored floor of the Blue Eagle Gym. With a blue handkerchief in his pocket and a pin on the collar of his shirt, he knew he was prepared. He had to sing, and though he never could, it was a moment he was willing to sing for, alongside the hundreds of others who were willing to sing along. Ateneo Grade School, Batch 50. It was a special graduation for the entire batch, and a milestone for Ateneo Grade School.
June, 2005, he was sick. Unsure if it was because of fright (again) or just really a virus. He remembers sitting in the front of the small Dulaang Sibol. He remembers a pounding in his head every time the bass drum was hit right in front of him. He remembers the conyo song: "shit. conyo. pare. wow. ang labo naman." He remembers getting picked up early, and not attending class for the rest of the week. He remembers the 1-I classroom on his first day, bringing just a notebook and a pen, having left the notebook in the classroom before leaving for home.
Four years later...
March, 2009. He was crying. He'd been hearing for four years that Ateneo High School was where you'd spend the best four years of your life. At the time, the statement was correct for him. He had been living for 18 years already, and without too much experience. Years 15-18 may have been the best at the time. He had to say goodbye to a family he's grown into. He has to say goodbye to a lot.
June, 2009. The official beginning of classes were delayed, but he was walking around campus, trying to see things for the first time, trying to understand where he needed to go, and where he needed to be. He was trying to give himself a tour of where his next home would be. He was meeting people who could be (or not. but she was.) special for the coming years in his life.
Four years later...
March 2013. He was scared of not being able to finish, failing to accomplish things he needed to do and making the cut. Eventually, he did, and the memories all suddenly came back, from that day in a garden where, as he remembers, a pair of brightly-colored Chuck Taylors hung a few inches off the ground. He remembers the beautiful smile of a girl who he sat across in Chemistry Lab. He remembers that one deciding day, where a pair of Chuck Taylors entered a second floor room in one of the buildings (Berchmans 209), and he knew then that, that pair of sneakers would haunt him for the next couple of years.
He remembers b**** professors that ended up being loved for bringing a whole bunch of people so much closer together. He remembers saying goodbye early to one his mentors. He remembers almost failing a course in his freshman year, but being saved by the final exam. He remembers missing a concert by a band he really loved, on his birthday, to take a make-up exam because he was applying for scholarship during the actual date. He remembers taking that class picture, with the camera resting on a stack of books and a laptop sleeve for the camera to be high enough to capture everyone.
He remembers running from the weights gym to class because there was no time to fix himself up. He remembers sitting beside his clique in most of his major classes. He remembers crying to a status message that broke his heart. He remembers filing for a change in concentration, going through all the processes of writing a letter and an interview. He remembers seeing the change in his student information and getting congratulated by friends as he stepped up closer. He remembers meeting someone special (again) and ending up in a disagreement with someone else, but special as well.
He remembers being part of a small in-school family that felt like home for a couple of weeks a year. He remembers the confession, and his first kiss. He remembers, not being able to take it any more seriously than he did because while he wanted her, he knew that she was something else. He remembers putting a lot of effort into a surprise that could have changed a lot, but instead, getting shot down (and this happened more than once). He remembers that sometimes, he would go out of his way to help someone or just see them smile. He remembers that professor that changed his life. He remembers the group mates he never trusted after an incident; he remembers the people that he always will.
He remembers a final year to make things right. He remembers that he was elected to an org office, without him knowing it. He remembers being part of another family that is around the whole year round. He remembers what it feels like to represent your Alma Mater. He remembers looking like a fool around school just because it's fun. He remembers reconnecting with friends, reconnecting with family. He remembers the nights when they'd just go out with a tank of gas, and some coin in a purse, just to eat, drink, chill. He remembers that the truth had gotten out, and that the truth was never fair. He remembers making promises that he knew for a fact he would keep. He remembers waiting around for one night to find out if a rose was worth it to give.
He remembers the lights, his last Song for Mary. He remembers camera flash, a blank, rolled-up piece of US Legal paper. He remembers hearing, "congratulations," and saying, "thank you, Father." He remembers taking a bow, walking back to his seat, starting to goff around with his seat mates and fooling around with a couple of friends. And just like that, everything that used to be in the present turned into memories. And all those memories will be immortalized in a blue tube and a piece of paper, where his name will be forever written. It will forever be immortalized in his heart and in his mind...
On March, 2013.
Lerma, Justin Nicolas Asuncion. Bachelor of Science in Management, Major in Communications Technology Management. ID No. 092099. John Gokongwei School of Management, Ateneo de Manila University.
"Down from the hill, down to the world go I... Remembering still, how the bright Blue Eagles fly."
Sunday, February 17, 2013
The First Love
February 18, 2013.
Dear Janine,
It's been a long time since September 1, 2009. Do you remember that date? Do you remember that day?
I'm not sure if you do, but I will never forget it. It just so happened that I never forgot how I felt that day. It just so happens that I realized the other night that I never will. I even remember the exact words I spoke to you, "Janine... I like you. Gets?"
That was almost four years ago. Since then, we've had our own ups and downs (whether with each other or not) and so, I want to tell you first, that everything that has happened since then has been some lame excuse for me to fail at everything else I do. I know that a life without you (or at least a life where-in I never tried) is a life I do not want to live. I know that we both went in opposite directions and that you may think we are never going to go anywhere, but I want you to know that I still believe in something...
It may be crazy to believe so, but I do... Just because I'm crazy about you. I don't see any reason for you to even give a thought to this, but at least allow me to get it off my chest. Just so I can say that I've tried... more than once. And if you still feel the same way after four years, then I guess we were never meant to be. But meaning is something you can give. If you mean for something to happen, then, something will.
I was out last Saturday night... I was at a party... I had a couple of drinks, and I was spending my time at a Valentine's party alone. I knew Veron was going to be there, and thinking about my feeling for her (and everyone else I knew I liked) gave me a realization I knew was true, a realization that I did not want to accept. On February 14, 2013, I gave Veron a rose, thinking that I really liked her. It was the first Valentine's day that I gave a person a rose out of pure intention that I did like her; or so I thought. On February 15, someone told Veron that I used to have feelings for her, when in fact, I only thought I did.
My realization pointed me to the truth, I only liked so many other girls to try and distract myself from thinking of you, realizing that maybe unconsciously, I was too scared to do anything because you were still around, and when sometimes I feel like the feeling died, it rose from the ashes. Feelings are tricky things to have. Once you have them, truthfully and purely, especially the first time around... they don't go away. Feelings get the better of people a lot of times, but they are also the best things for people to have.
And I know that now, we're almost done, just a couple of weeks to go, many things could happen to us. I could see you again after graduation, but then there is a chance that I won't. I've been making promises to do this for the longest time, but I kept failing because you, yourself said that you don't want to get involved in a relationship until after you graduate. You've held up your end of the bargain. However, if you recall, I made a declaration on the evening of September 1, 2009. I told you that I will try again, and you said, "maybe." While some people say that maybe is not a good sign, the recently optimistic Justin sees a maybe as, "try, you have nothing to lose."
Tradition says that, in Ateneo, the Blue Rose should be given to your first love. And rightfully so, blue roses are improbable due to genetic limitation. I hope I am making myself clear with these intentions. I'm not trying to win you over. I am not trying to ask you out. I'm not trying to say you should be my girlfriend, I am not even asking you to give me a chance. Although, I am hoping you would.
I am just sharing to you my realization, that I love you. I have been for the past few years, and somehow, it didn't take too much to relive how I felt and take me back to the better person that I wanted to be. It's hard to live through these feelings, it's a trouble for me to do this. It took me a while to realize this and this may be too late (or too early). I don't want you to feel any pressure. I know it's too soon because we just finished college, and we haven't even graduated yet... But just so you know... All I have to say is, "I love you."
Dear Janine,
It's been a long time since September 1, 2009. Do you remember that date? Do you remember that day?
I'm not sure if you do, but I will never forget it. It just so happened that I never forgot how I felt that day. It just so happens that I realized the other night that I never will. I even remember the exact words I spoke to you, "Janine... I like you. Gets?"
That was almost four years ago. Since then, we've had our own ups and downs (whether with each other or not) and so, I want to tell you first, that everything that has happened since then has been some lame excuse for me to fail at everything else I do. I know that a life without you (or at least a life where-in I never tried) is a life I do not want to live. I know that we both went in opposite directions and that you may think we are never going to go anywhere, but I want you to know that I still believe in something...
It may be crazy to believe so, but I do... Just because I'm crazy about you. I don't see any reason for you to even give a thought to this, but at least allow me to get it off my chest. Just so I can say that I've tried... more than once. And if you still feel the same way after four years, then I guess we were never meant to be. But meaning is something you can give. If you mean for something to happen, then, something will.
I was out last Saturday night... I was at a party... I had a couple of drinks, and I was spending my time at a Valentine's party alone. I knew Veron was going to be there, and thinking about my feeling for her (and everyone else I knew I liked) gave me a realization I knew was true, a realization that I did not want to accept. On February 14, 2013, I gave Veron a rose, thinking that I really liked her. It was the first Valentine's day that I gave a person a rose out of pure intention that I did like her; or so I thought. On February 15, someone told Veron that I used to have feelings for her, when in fact, I only thought I did.
My realization pointed me to the truth, I only liked so many other girls to try and distract myself from thinking of you, realizing that maybe unconsciously, I was too scared to do anything because you were still around, and when sometimes I feel like the feeling died, it rose from the ashes. Feelings are tricky things to have. Once you have them, truthfully and purely, especially the first time around... they don't go away. Feelings get the better of people a lot of times, but they are also the best things for people to have.
And I know that now, we're almost done, just a couple of weeks to go, many things could happen to us. I could see you again after graduation, but then there is a chance that I won't. I've been making promises to do this for the longest time, but I kept failing because you, yourself said that you don't want to get involved in a relationship until after you graduate. You've held up your end of the bargain. However, if you recall, I made a declaration on the evening of September 1, 2009. I told you that I will try again, and you said, "maybe." While some people say that maybe is not a good sign, the recently optimistic Justin sees a maybe as, "try, you have nothing to lose."
Tradition says that, in Ateneo, the Blue Rose should be given to your first love. And rightfully so, blue roses are improbable due to genetic limitation. I hope I am making myself clear with these intentions. I'm not trying to win you over. I am not trying to ask you out. I'm not trying to say you should be my girlfriend, I am not even asking you to give me a chance. Although, I am hoping you would.
I am just sharing to you my realization, that I love you. I have been for the past few years, and somehow, it didn't take too much to relive how I felt and take me back to the better person that I wanted to be. It's hard to live through these feelings, it's a trouble for me to do this. It took me a while to realize this and this may be too late (or too early). I don't want you to feel any pressure. I know it's too soon because we just finished college, and we haven't even graduated yet... But just so you know... All I have to say is, "I love you."
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