Happy New Year

Now that I am in the dark, it is safe for me to say a lot. I won’t name names, just in case.

There was nothing else for me to be happy about with everything the way things turned out by the middle of the year 2011. Everything that I knew I should have been happy about turned out terribly wrong. It really is that hard to give everything for someone who wouldn’t return the favor. It has happened so many times, but I never seem to learn from it. I had become closer to the friends I have now, mostly in the KD groups, we had something to do, I had a part in it. I feel important, special and wanted there. That’s really the only thing I ever wanted, to feel loved. Something I rarely felt at all last year, especially with everything that has happened. I started to stop trusting certain people. I started not to care, I started becoming someone that I wasn’t (but then again, I think I was).

It all started with being in love, getting my hopes up. Her actions spoke for themselves. The actions were really no one could look over. It was entirely different from what she had said to begin with. Then, suddenly, one day, it was all gone. Everything we had just disappeared. Then, she ends up going back to normal, but suddenly in the arms of another. Did I really mean absolutely nothing to her? Or was she just too damn selfish to care about how I felt, and only care about how everything benefited her? I don’t really care now.

Then came along the second of all people who can get my hopes up; except, this time, it was a whole lot worse. This time, she had actually admitted that she had feelings for me. And she knew what happened. What happened with us, though? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I’m not even sure if we’re still friends after all we’ve been through. Talk about being led on… It’s much worse, but it wasn’t selfish. She was just confused, and it was crazy.

Third thing is the bitch, who I am convinced, ruined my already horrible life. I am certain that she is, indeed, selfish. She is a terrible liar, who manipulates people so she could get what she wants. But she has brought everyone else together against her. It’s been crazy, and I kind of feel like she did what she did in order to ruin another person’s image in my head (or to ruin my image in another person’s head). Either way, I don’t really think that she was ever my friend. Maybe, she was just passing it off to get someone on her side, perhaps to feel sorry for her when everyone would start to turn their backs on her. Too bad, I did, too.

These three people have nothing in common (except for the fact, that somehow, they managed to make 2011 a little bit more horrible). This started the decline, and I’m starting to feel a whole lot worse than how I ended in 2010. And 2010, was a whole lot better, even if it wasn’t spectacular.

But I have my friends, I have two couples, who I know would accept me for who and what I am. Along with a few other people, people who I consider like my brothers and sisters now.